Introduction. Just to tell you who I am-(from forever ago)
Hello, my name is Autumn Faith Staggs. I was formerly Autumn Faith Luttrell, but on August 17th, 2006 I got married to the love of my life, my soulmate-Jeffery Shane Staggs. This is who I am.
I grew up an only child of William & Dana Luttrell. Apparently I was the "Hope" of the luttrell family, but i only ever felt like I was a burden on those two people. When I was 5 years old I got ready for school by myself and i came home only to be by myself for 2 more hours. One time I went home with the bus driver because she couldn't leave me there alone, I didn't tell her I was there every day by myself. Sure, my mother would come home long enough to make sure that someone was there and then she'd leave and go back to work. I grew up at Wal-Mart from age 6-8. After school I'd go to work with my mom and sit up in the lounge until my father came and got me.
I lost my best friend in a car accident when I was going to the first grade, she was going to be a second-grader...I saw the whole thing happen before my eyes and everytime I cross that intersection I pray to god that a drunk driver doesn't plow into the vehicle like he did hers.
At the age of 11 I was in the fifth grade, I became depressed because the other children were picking on me because all my clothes were second-hand and when I went home I hardly had any food in the cabinets as was. So when I went to school I never wanted to eat anything. I formed anorexia as just a fifth grader and I always found an excuse not to eat when I was out with friends or at home with my parents.
When I turned 12 I started the 6th grade at Oolitic and I had this awesome teacher who went out of her way to make sure I ate or that I had clothes. Mainly because she herself never had a daughter she kinda adopted me as one and bought me some clothes for Christmas. I had to leave her class at half year because we lost the house due to repossession but we evaded it by selling the house and renting a small two bedroom trailer other than living in the five bedroom house we use to live in.
At this middle school I participated in all sorts of activities so I wouldn't have to be at home all the time. I began eating a little bit but I was bulimic at that point-and I use to cut myself because it felt better than the pain I use to feel in my heart and emotions wise. It wasn't an "emo" thing because emo didn't exist yet, I was the real deal. The true disease. I was on the basketball team, volleyball team, academic team, yearbook staff, and about ten billion other clubs just so I had stuff to do and didn't stay at home all the time.
I entered high School but was forced to see a counselor because Dana found all my shit online and got pissed and worried about me, so after 14 years of being invisible or feeling invisible, she finally noticed me. Big whoop. From then on I would survive under someone who never trusted me because of my personal problems. I did think about suicide but I was afraid of Hell. I wasn't afraid of death I must've OD'd about a thousand times but it never killed me, it was like I was immune to the shit i was taking. I didn't really do much except church my first year of high school and I met this one girl in Algebra who is now my best friend-hell, she's my sister. My older sister and yet we're almost the same age-only she's 19. And I'm 18.
She got me involved in Marching Band and for once I belonged somewhere. Without a person in their spot in Marching Band it looks like shit, and I was needed there otherwise there'd be a hole. I was also in Science club and gradually I began to feel better about myself and i found a group of friends who I had something in common with, people I could be real with. Orchestra concerts didn't mean as much to me anymore because my parents never came and I felt like the only person I was playing for was Mrs. Brown, however, I found I was truly playing for myself after freshman year. My parents never came to my Marching Band competitions and personally, I loved it. Marching Band once more helped me get away from home and I forgot about everything.
I met Shane through a mutual friend, and we began talking last January-we started dating in February and we both knew as soon as we met that we're each other's last. Everything was perfect the moment we first kissed and it was like the stars were aligning, which technically, we share a birthday only we're 4 years apart. He had liked me since my freshman year and it was his senior year-we knew we wanted to get married after I finished my senior year.
In July of this year 2006, I got in a fight with my mother, I was sick and wanted to stay at home since it wasn't required I go to the picnic that was being held for Guard families and she argued saying I just wanted to stay home so I could talk to shane, however little truth that had in it, I was really feeling not that good and I didn't want to go because I felt like I was going to be sick. She got up off the couch and i SWEAR she raised her hand to hit me like she had done before, and me, feeling threatened hit her in the face. I was going to be done with that one punch, but she came after me more when I turned to head to my room, so I felt that if she didn't get the message and wanted more, I would give her more-anyone who knew our relationship would know that I am the type that gives warnings and then I snap. She kept coming back so I kept defending-and trying to get away. She finally stopped when my father stepped in and she called the cops.
He then told me I had a hell of a right hook.
I'd never hit anyone in my life.
I am on probation until May.
I don't talk to them anymore, they're dead to me. If they cared they wouldn't have forced me to do anything I didn't want to do while not feeling good. However, I did hit her and leave a mark. But I figure hers faded, my emotional scars from growing up and being called names will always be there.
Sometimes I call myself a bitch because it's what I was told growing up.
Sometimes I think I'm stupid because people use to call me stupid and tell me I would never amount to anything.
I turned 18 on August 6th. It was on this day that I took a home pregnancy test after realizing that I didn't have a period in July. It should've happened during band camp. ANd it came out positive. Yeah, happy birthday faith.
I told shane later that night.
We decided that for the sake of the baby, we would get married after I turned 18. Speed up the process so the baby would have the last name of its father.
So, I got married on the 17th of August. And became Autumn Faith Staggs. If you still call me luttrell, go to hell-(so call me staggs...it's okay. or just call me autumn faith like always.)
I am graduating on the 21st of December. Yep, I made it. I still have a scholarship and I've been accepted at Oakland City University to begin college. Amazing, I'm totally accomplishing my dreams. It's a boy.
His name will be Lucian Amadeus Staggs. He's due the 30th of March, 2007.
This is who I am, a wife, a mother, and a soon-to-be graduate. I love music, my husband, my son, and my friends who've been there all along. Not in that order-but you get the picture.
Hello world, this is me
I grew up an only child of William & Dana Luttrell. Apparently I was the "Hope" of the luttrell family, but i only ever felt like I was a burden on those two people. When I was 5 years old I got ready for school by myself and i came home only to be by myself for 2 more hours. One time I went home with the bus driver because she couldn't leave me there alone, I didn't tell her I was there every day by myself. Sure, my mother would come home long enough to make sure that someone was there and then she'd leave and go back to work. I grew up at Wal-Mart from age 6-8. After school I'd go to work with my mom and sit up in the lounge until my father came and got me.
I lost my best friend in a car accident when I was going to the first grade, she was going to be a second-grader...I saw the whole thing happen before my eyes and everytime I cross that intersection I pray to god that a drunk driver doesn't plow into the vehicle like he did hers.
At the age of 11 I was in the fifth grade, I became depressed because the other children were picking on me because all my clothes were second-hand and when I went home I hardly had any food in the cabinets as was. So when I went to school I never wanted to eat anything. I formed anorexia as just a fifth grader and I always found an excuse not to eat when I was out with friends or at home with my parents.
When I turned 12 I started the 6th grade at Oolitic and I had this awesome teacher who went out of her way to make sure I ate or that I had clothes. Mainly because she herself never had a daughter she kinda adopted me as one and bought me some clothes for Christmas. I had to leave her class at half year because we lost the house due to repossession but we evaded it by selling the house and renting a small two bedroom trailer other than living in the five bedroom house we use to live in.
At this middle school I participated in all sorts of activities so I wouldn't have to be at home all the time. I began eating a little bit but I was bulimic at that point-and I use to cut myself because it felt better than the pain I use to feel in my heart and emotions wise. It wasn't an "emo" thing because emo didn't exist yet, I was the real deal. The true disease. I was on the basketball team, volleyball team, academic team, yearbook staff, and about ten billion other clubs just so I had stuff to do and didn't stay at home all the time.
I entered high School but was forced to see a counselor because Dana found all my shit online and got pissed and worried about me, so after 14 years of being invisible or feeling invisible, she finally noticed me. Big whoop. From then on I would survive under someone who never trusted me because of my personal problems. I did think about suicide but I was afraid of Hell. I wasn't afraid of death I must've OD'd about a thousand times but it never killed me, it was like I was immune to the shit i was taking. I didn't really do much except church my first year of high school and I met this one girl in Algebra who is now my best friend-hell, she's my sister. My older sister and yet we're almost the same age-only she's 19. And I'm 18.
She got me involved in Marching Band and for once I belonged somewhere. Without a person in their spot in Marching Band it looks like shit, and I was needed there otherwise there'd be a hole. I was also in Science club and gradually I began to feel better about myself and i found a group of friends who I had something in common with, people I could be real with. Orchestra concerts didn't mean as much to me anymore because my parents never came and I felt like the only person I was playing for was Mrs. Brown, however, I found I was truly playing for myself after freshman year. My parents never came to my Marching Band competitions and personally, I loved it. Marching Band once more helped me get away from home and I forgot about everything.
I met Shane through a mutual friend, and we began talking last January-we started dating in February and we both knew as soon as we met that we're each other's last. Everything was perfect the moment we first kissed and it was like the stars were aligning, which technically, we share a birthday only we're 4 years apart. He had liked me since my freshman year and it was his senior year-we knew we wanted to get married after I finished my senior year.
In July of this year 2006, I got in a fight with my mother, I was sick and wanted to stay at home since it wasn't required I go to the picnic that was being held for Guard families and she argued saying I just wanted to stay home so I could talk to shane, however little truth that had in it, I was really feeling not that good and I didn't want to go because I felt like I was going to be sick. She got up off the couch and i SWEAR she raised her hand to hit me like she had done before, and me, feeling threatened hit her in the face. I was going to be done with that one punch, but she came after me more when I turned to head to my room, so I felt that if she didn't get the message and wanted more, I would give her more-anyone who knew our relationship would know that I am the type that gives warnings and then I snap. She kept coming back so I kept defending-and trying to get away. She finally stopped when my father stepped in and she called the cops.
He then told me I had a hell of a right hook.
I'd never hit anyone in my life.
I am on probation until May.
I don't talk to them anymore, they're dead to me. If they cared they wouldn't have forced me to do anything I didn't want to do while not feeling good. However, I did hit her and leave a mark. But I figure hers faded, my emotional scars from growing up and being called names will always be there.
Sometimes I call myself a bitch because it's what I was told growing up.
Sometimes I think I'm stupid because people use to call me stupid and tell me I would never amount to anything.
I turned 18 on August 6th. It was on this day that I took a home pregnancy test after realizing that I didn't have a period in July. It should've happened during band camp. ANd it came out positive. Yeah, happy birthday faith.
I told shane later that night.
We decided that for the sake of the baby, we would get married after I turned 18. Speed up the process so the baby would have the last name of its father.
So, I got married on the 17th of August. And became Autumn Faith Staggs. If you still call me luttrell, go to hell-(so call me staggs...it's okay. or just call me autumn faith like always.)
I am graduating on the 21st of December. Yep, I made it. I still have a scholarship and I've been accepted at Oakland City University to begin college. Amazing, I'm totally accomplishing my dreams. It's a boy.
His name will be Lucian Amadeus Staggs. He's due the 30th of March, 2007.
This is who I am, a wife, a mother, and a soon-to-be graduate. I love music, my husband, my son, and my friends who've been there all along. Not in that order-but you get the picture.
Hello world, this is me
posted by Autumn Faith @ 6:34 PM
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