Some day I will wake up and realize I made up everything.

WARNING: This is the most random of thoughts that have ran through my brain EVER.

.....

Ever felt like you were watching you life on a movie screen? Lately I find myself looking at the life I have lived to this point and the current moments in which I am breathing in and out as though I am a mere bystander, watching my life's events unfold as though a plot in a movie. The continuous ebbing and flowing of the conflict, the turning point, the climax, and then the resolution-although unlike the line, it's a continuous circle.

The quote that reads the following lines is one of those that I have adopted over the years as my motto.

"Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story."

Indeed, it is. Truly based on a true story. Anyways, there's a song that I ran across by pure accident by Senses Fail a few weeks ago-"Can't be Saved" and I love the line that I put as the topic of this post. The full verse is like this:

"I'm stuck in a coma,

stuck in a neverending sleep.

Some day I will wake up and realize I made up

everything."

So, every time I look in the eyes of my lil' man (which have finally set in as brown, in case you were wondering...) And everytime I'm playing with him I look at him like we're in a movie. Like my life is one of those shows on Lifetime. I just can't quite figure it out really. How my life changed. I believe in fate. I believe that all things happen for a reason.

I had a full ride scholarship to ANY college in Indiana. I lost it because my parents and I are estranged and I couldn't get them to sign it. Now, I could've signed it-but that would've been forgery and I didn't feel like getting charges pressed on me because of that. I guess I'm suppose to get a job and work so I can make my own money so I appreciate my education. Not that I wouldn't value it with a scholarship but I guess I'm suppose to work for EVERYTHING in my life. Nothing will ever be handed to me, so thus I am not one of those kids that gets all they want on a silver platter. I guess that's why I appreciate things better.

I guess when the time comes, I will make it to college. I can't just sit here and let my brain rot-it would be a waste of intelligence that I wasted during High School...

I digress-well, I don't really know where I'm going with this-but I'll just say this: Maybe one day I'll get my happy ending-and it'll be something I value.