Why, yes, I think I do have anger problems, amongst other things.

*Laughs lightly*

"Do you think you have anger problems?" The person behind the desk asked me a while back. I stared at her in disbelief. In my head, I was thinking a variety of things-most of them being how ridiculous it was that I was even there in the first place. But moreover the fact that I was sitting there while pregnant and married. The place in question, the Probation offices.

"No. I don't think I have anger problems, but you can only take so much and swallow it for so long before it's going to surface." Came my response. Not what I wanted to say, but it would do.

So, I hit my mother. I know, you can't just hit people and get away with it. But looking back at the events leading up to the confrontation, I find it liberating almost that I did hit her. They tried their best to raise me, albeit not doing the best in my opinion. (For that's another story). But they tried. Damn, where do I begin with this rant? So many places which to plant my feet and shoot the gun and take off running like a cross country runner.

Agression is an interesting topic really, the thought that someone can swallow so much for so long and then like a tumultuous storm it finally adds up to the point where you can't contain it within you anymore and you need an outlet and the first person that crosses you makes you so angry that you just want to hit them and not stop...that's agression and I'm going to stop there because my voice in my head is getting faster and louder than I dare to type.

I played sports to get away.

I joined the geeky clubs to get away.

I looked up to teachers because they all in a way were positive role models. Thank you school system, you raised me well. Even passed on that "Zero tolerance" only it's the other way for me. I take zero tolerance of being pushed around anymore.

I have to go to counseling again for the upteenth thousandth time in my life. Mainly because the court orders it. *LAUGH* I went to counseling for almost three years and the only thing it did was make me want to pursue a career in counseling so I can sit behind the clipboard and truly say "I know what you're going through" and really mean it.

The following reasons are why I should just be a counselor:

1. I helped myself in the end.
2. I watched a best friend die in a car accident at age 7.
3. I was raped by my first sexual relationship with an asshole who should have his penis cut off and fed to him on a platter. Enough about that dickhead.
4. I cut myself because the emotional pain I swallowed for so long hurt.
5. I starved myself first.
6. I became bulimic in the seventh grade cause I wanted to eat.
7. I tried to kill myself with pills-it didn't work and now I have to take what seems like eight 800 mg ibuprofen just to kill a headache.
8. I got pregnant my senior year of High School
9. I've lost friends.
10. I've had battery charges pressed on me.
11. I got married 11 days after my 18th birthday.
12. I graduated High School.
13. I can say "How does that make you feel" and mean it.
14. I am an empath.

So, in all reality. Going to counseling because the court ordered it-won't help a thing. If anything, it'll make me want to strangle my counselor because they have no idea how I feel.

Sorry for the rant. But enjoy it. Or else.