Dreamer.

Ad astra per aspera.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

On a community.

Friends.
Honesty.
Hope.
love.
Acceptance.

Neverending commitment to each other-
this is the online community which I am relieved to be a part of.
It's amazing there.
I love it.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations...as well as a SNS employee...

JUST A MOM?

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a......?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronoun cement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask." said the clerk with new interest."just what do you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, [what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom." Motherhood!

What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also
think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

----

My grandma has the neatest e-mails to send me. Sometimes, I forward them, if I think they're worth forwarding, but most of the time, I simply delete them after reading them, because Chain E-mails have made no horrible effect on my life. I've never been killed by a girl with a knife, and I'm not dead yet.

But this one, for some reason, hit me. Maybe, when I wasn't working, I could have used that. It would've been a priceless statement to make. ANd it makes you sound important.

I do love that.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Time to think.

In the most recent days I've been away from here (Yes, I know, I did say I would try to write religiously) I have been working, raising my son, spending time with my husband, and just thinking about my life and the direction which I am headed in. And this is the conclusion I've come to.

I believe I need to take the SATs. I want to apply for several colleges, while I probably won't go out of state, it's a nice idea to think that I could get accepted into an out of state college. I want to feel like I have the brains and application down. I mean, with the colleges I applied to my Senior year, I got accepted to four of the four I applied to.

So, it's nice to know that I can get into them if I wanted. Although, it's going to be hard, considering I need to take that stupid test. But I am just going to go to IVY Tech for a while.

I know now who my real friends are. I say that with the most deepest sincerity. Although, one of them hates the other one, that's fine, because they don't have to be in the same room together. (Personal vendettas are so pointless, ladies). My best friend from high school, she just doesn't seem to want to hang out anymore, or call, or message me. Now that I think about it, I talked to her sister the other day longer than I've talked to her since May. Sad, isn't it?

I'm craving Oriental food. Crab legs from bloomington to be exact.

I now know who I am, by the way. It took some time, but I know. I just know. And this is odd to say, but it's all thanks to the PostSecret Community that I know who I am. Those people there are awesome, and we all trust each other-even though we're complete strangers.

Is the world that funny sometimes? Like, you know, you'll be best friends with someone for so many years, and then you open your eyes and realize that the friend you haven't spoken to in four years wants to be your friend still, and is sorry for not making their motives that caused the break clear? Then you can pick up a conversation like that and be friends again. It's funny like that.

I saw a photo of myself from the beginning of my sixth grade year. I was so tiny. Bony. Skinny. Anorexic. And it disgusted me that I ever thought I was fat, that I let other girls tell me I was fat. I looked at that photo and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me.

Society is unforgiving. But when you get older, you realize that society's opinion of you doesn't matter at all.

Well, I'm going to go before I begin to rant on etiquette.

<3
Faith