Go through the concrete zoo to get to the real one.

I went to the zoo with my son and in-laws yesterday. It brought great joy into my heart to watch my son dressed in his Halloween costume (a cow, with a tail!) watching the animals and making baby goo sounds at them as though he was trying to communicate just what he thought about them.

But I think I learned more about love by watching two little baboons yesterday than anyone else could've ever thought you would. We stood there for a good ten minutes just watching them. There was the puny baboon that was causing havoc, of course, and thus got slapped around by an older and higher up baboon. Yet, there were these two baboons that would go apart for a few minutes then find each other again, and sit facing each other, one's head on the other. They were the same size, and they always came back to each other. And they would wrap their little arms/legs around each other and sit there with their heads together. It was beautiful. I was in awe of those two baboons. They were just too cute and they made me all tingly inside.

My son was amazed by the lions, who were making small roars yesterday and he would go "Oooo" every single time the male did it. I think he was trying to talk to it.

The giraffes were walking back and forth and he was following them with his head looking up at them like "Woah, mom, those are tall guys!" And they moved their legs out so far when they went to eat. (When we get the pictures developed, I'll scan them and put them on here.) But it was a fun day.

We went to the dolphin show and it made me want to go to college to be a zoologist/marine biologist just so I could work with them. I have always loved dolphins and the wild animals. I think I have the wild and free nature of an animal and that brings a sort of kinship with them and I can sit and look at animals for a long time and just feel peaceful. There's something therapeutic about animals.

Especially horses. I was once told that a horse was my spirit animal once. I have to agree, I do feel a connection to horses. Even the wildest horse will approach me in a field if I'm sitting there. (It's been done before, so don't think I'm not just saying it-it REALLY happened.) The horse would let me touch it and guide it around with my hand under it's jaw bone. If you ever saw me with a horse, you'd see what I am talking about. It's my plan to go to college and get a CAREER so I can get a little land, build a house, and get some horses. I want to do that because it's just something else I've always dreamed.

But anyways, the zoo was fun. I loved it, seeing as how the last time I was there was when I was in the first grade...yeah, I know...

But on the way back we drove through the Hispanic outskirts of Indy and there was a Steak N' Shake that had a HORRIBLE misspelling on the sign. THEYRE BACK HALOWEEN SHAKES (I told them of their error and HOPEFULLY they fixed it...and added an apostrophe to the contraction for "they are".

Until next time,
all my love.

Some day I will wake up and realize I made up everything.

WARNING: This is the most random of thoughts that have ran through my brain EVER.

.....

Ever felt like you were watching you life on a movie screen? Lately I find myself looking at the life I have lived to this point and the current moments in which I am breathing in and out as though I am a mere bystander, watching my life's events unfold as though a plot in a movie. The continuous ebbing and flowing of the conflict, the turning point, the climax, and then the resolution-although unlike the line, it's a continuous circle.

The quote that reads the following lines is one of those that I have adopted over the years as my motto.

"Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story."

Indeed, it is. Truly based on a true story. Anyways, there's a song that I ran across by pure accident by Senses Fail a few weeks ago-"Can't be Saved" and I love the line that I put as the topic of this post. The full verse is like this:

"I'm stuck in a coma,

stuck in a neverending sleep.

Some day I will wake up and realize I made up

everything."

So, every time I look in the eyes of my lil' man (which have finally set in as brown, in case you were wondering...) And everytime I'm playing with him I look at him like we're in a movie. Like my life is one of those shows on Lifetime. I just can't quite figure it out really. How my life changed. I believe in fate. I believe that all things happen for a reason.

I had a full ride scholarship to ANY college in Indiana. I lost it because my parents and I are estranged and I couldn't get them to sign it. Now, I could've signed it-but that would've been forgery and I didn't feel like getting charges pressed on me because of that. I guess I'm suppose to get a job and work so I can make my own money so I appreciate my education. Not that I wouldn't value it with a scholarship but I guess I'm suppose to work for EVERYTHING in my life. Nothing will ever be handed to me, so thus I am not one of those kids that gets all they want on a silver platter. I guess that's why I appreciate things better.

I guess when the time comes, I will make it to college. I can't just sit here and let my brain rot-it would be a waste of intelligence that I wasted during High School...

I digress-well, I don't really know where I'm going with this-but I'll just say this: Maybe one day I'll get my happy ending-and it'll be something I value.

"Singing in the rain, just singing in the rain..."

It's a rainy day here. In the past I use to crack my window, choose a worthy book, and recline while reading and listening to the rain. I also would turn on classical music-something soft and not to loud-Pachelbel's Canon in D being my absolute favorite on rainy days. There's just something about rain that makes me a little peaceful. Most people want to sleep when it's raining, but not me, I'd rather stay awake and watch it fall from the sky.

When I was little I believed that it rained when someone arrived in heaven. Then I grew older and realized that we don't go to heaven right away but we're stuck below the dirt waiting for the second coming-which is why I think I stopped going to church-the idea of being stuck in the ground in a body instead of in heaven where we're promised to go if we've lived a 'righteous life' whatever that means; I also realized that people died every single day and there's a funeral every single day so it should rain every single day-but it doesn't.

I think I prefer the idea of reincarnation. Because then we get to live again until we reach the right state. Yes, I think I like the idea of reincarnation.

I use to dream about living in the UK where it rains almost every day and if it doesn't, the sky is usually partly cloudy. I love that, I would probably go there and be found in the countryside at a cottage or in the city at a cafe, in the corner writing in a journal.

Yesterday I went to the Covered Bridge Festival. It was a VERY LARGE place. I thought I was going to die with all the walking...and I got a sunburn on my face, but you wouldn't guess it today cause it turned to a tan (thank you my native american great grandmother for giving me your genetics in the skin pigmentation department). At one booth there was a woman talking on her cell phone speaking an African language. At another booth, there was this man who was Asian painting calligraphy names-(we got one for the lil' man to put above his crib-it's a Finding Nemo one). But then there were booths with deals because it was the last day-like the one I got my naval jewelry at. It was one for a dollar. Which isn't bad at all...I got five from that booth and a dangling butterfly from a booth where everything on the table was two dollars. But it's a dangling one, so I figured that usually they're 10.00 why not?

The food. My goodness, the food. There was SOOO MUCH food. And the smells from the food court area and the food strip across the bridge...I tried Cheese Curds yesterday too-they sound gross but they're actually pretty good. I think I am going to save up for next year's festivities. Beautiful things and rare things. A place to go for culture. But take sunscreen.

Well, the rain is a little slower now, so I am going to get off of here to enjoy it.

Have a wonderful day.

"Music is the only language spoken worldwide..."

I just finished making a burnt CD...this is a past-time of mine. I have to say that I have made a lot of burnt CDs in my life. When I was in the seventh and eighth grade I would take my CDs, copy them to the computer, then take the songs and put them on discs to give to my friends.

As I went through High School I became a little attached to many different types of music-introduced to new artists through my friends-which my freshman year and sophomore year iPods weren't available to many of us band geeks, so we'd take our CD cases on the buses and swap, trade, and listen to each other's music. This was fun, and I began paying attention to what my friends listened to and sung the most-so I began making mixes for them. IT became my thing-making the CDs. Whenever I had something to tell a friend, or a new song by an artist not yet popular on the radio I wanted to introduce to friends because I felt they'd appreciate the music & artist-I would hand them a CD.

My last mix I made before this one was for my best friend. The one I met because I needed a pencil-I burnt her a CD for Graduation. It had my deepest sentiments. Songs about graduation, friendship, and songs just saying, "Thank you for being there-I am glad that you're in my life".

My mix today-has no theme. It's just a collection of songs I am in love with-and I guess it also signifies who I am at this point in time.

Faith's Mix for October

1. Angel-Augustana
2. Boston-Augustana
3. Found My Place-Augustana
4. Lonely People-Augustana
5. Stars and Boulevards-Augustana
6. Stand By Me
7. Lean On Me-Bill Withers
8. Thx for the Mmrs-Fall Out Boy
9. Before It's Too Late-Goo Goo Dolls
10. Better Days-Goo Goo Dolls
11. Iris-Goo Goo Dolls
12. Have A Little Faith In Me-John Hiatt
13. Autumn & Me-Saving Jane
14. Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol
15. Hands Open-Snow Patrol
16. Signal Fire-Snow Patrol
17. In This Diary-The Ataris
18. How To Save A Life-The Fray
19. All At Once-The Fray
20. Breathe Again-Too Sorry for Apologies

And that's my ear candy for the day.

Back in the day i had some good fanfic lines...

Ha. I found most of my old accounts on ff.net...and I read my stories. I think I should make a NEW account and write those over and fix all the errors. Because I could do it. Successfully.

Here are a few of my most genius lines though:

Welcome to the Family Tree-Story

"Great! The one day I ACTUALLY am on time, and the greasy git cancels class! Just my bloody luck!" -Ron Weasley

"Pot-Potter, follow me to my office." Snape almost slapped himself when he stuttered.

"I think it's dreadful to see Hufflepuff get flattened by Ravenclaw, since half of them in Ravenclaw turn as bad as those in Slytherin." -As said by Harry Potter

"Well, if you ever feel dizzy again, come straight up here."
"I will," Mortania started walking away, she then muttered nonchalantly "not." -Poppy & Mortania

"Clairese, what the bloody hell is that? A speck of Hydrogen with Sodium Chloride?" Severus asked pointing to the tear. Clairese smiled, then looked at Poppy, who rolled her eyes and then urged them to continue.

"Harry, I know a lot more than what you think, about you."
"Of course, who don't I mean; I don't even know the whole story of me." Harry winced.

"Mr. Weasley, do you have something you want to share with the class?"
"Uh....No sir. Nothing that they would want to hear."

"...I expect to see a dark red potion at the end of class, and Mr. Longbottom, minus 100 points for the potion you are about to blow up, spew, whatever you are going to do."

A Snape Christmas

"Can you believe? That something so fragile can break so clean sliced? Something that glitters and shines, can just be gone in a moment? You know, I have come to find a lot of things like that....one being a heart. You see, when I give away my heart, I intend to do just that...not have it played with and forgotten like it was nothing....do me a favor Severus..." The red haired girl smiled. "When you take someone's heart, only take it for eternity...and like this silver Christmas bulb, and the black one on the tree already, you have to hold them, and keep it in something soft, when you pull it out, hang it carefully and cherish it...in case it ever breaks. Treat it like a snowflake, and love it....as if it were to disappear. You see, in the future. I want for you to grasp that one special thing and hold it near. Keep it warm, and never let it stray, for I am afraid..." She held the bulb by it's metal hook and let go. "That not everything stays the same." -At Hogwarts, 1977.

A Summer with the Family

"Mummy! I heard scary noises last night!" Little Hope said as she walked down the spiral staircase into the kitchen, holding a teddy bear tightly against her chest.

Malissa snickered slightly.

"Well, Hope-"Clairese began uneaily but then looked up, smiling at Sasha and Mortania, "Sasha could you explain to her please?"

"We have a poltergeist in the attic, forgot to mention that." Sasha said, reassuring her.

Mortania sat there with a confused look on her face then turned to look at her step-sister, as she did so, she mouthed the words 'poltergeist?'

Sasha rolled her eyes and said, "Don't ask."

"I wasn't planning on asking." Mortania said as she turned to face her bowl of cereal.
-CHAPTER 1

A NEW FAMILY

Prologue

Let's think about this, there are two different worlds, one realistic to some people, and one realistic to the other people. What would you think if you thought you were part of one world....then discovered that you were part of the other world only imaginable.


"Well, if it isn't Potter." Mortania looked at the group standing before her. "Had any luck escaping this summer?"

"Had any luck at the deatheater meetings?" Ron shot back. Mortania Riddle looked at him, eyes narrowed.

"Actually, yes." When she said this every word was dripping with pure hatred.-Chapter 1

------------------

Ha, well, what do you think? I was quite the one for theatrics...and humor.

Delayed PPD & Cutting Teeth.

So I've been feeling a little down lately. Of course, you wouldn't know it unless I tell you. (And I jsut did...) But I think it's because I don't get out that often cause we're paying off my probation. (I have to go to court on Thurs. and we're gonna pay it before we go into court so we have the receipt and I should be FREE!) I finally get to be an adult in the county's eyes. I've been on juvenile probation since November 2006. So it'll be good to get off of it. I finally get to experience being 18. When I'm 19.

But my husband was taking the neighbor kid to his friend's house earlier and then he's going to town-guess what Faithy is doing? Sitting at home with her son. Doing NOTHING. I hate doing nothing, it's so...boring. Man...oh man...then he's going to town to get something-which leaves me here while FIL & MIL take Lucian off to town too.

Postpartum depression, anyone? I think it's catching up to me. I didn't have it-which if that's what it is-then I did pretty good for six months.

Anyone have tips on how to soothe a kid that's teething's gums? Other than whiskey (cause I'm not suppose to have alcohol in possession in the house) and those teething rings, and Orajel cause none of that seems to be working and he's got a BAD temper. I mean HORRIBLE.

I'll write more later, when I'm alone again.

Comedy is my potion, Mr. Lewis...

The neighbor kid strikes again.

This time it was 11:45 and my BIL came in and said the Neighbor kid was wanting to talk to my husband. I told him to tell the kid that's 16 that he has school in the morning and needs to go home and go to bed and mind his mother. And for Shane to tell him that he's gotta work tomorrow and needs to get into bed before 1:30 am. O yes, I would be rude to that kid just because he takes my husband away from family time...such as watching Jerry Lee Lewis on a video.

I made supper tonight. It started out "Honey, help me make hamburger helper" to me just standing over the stove and cooking for the five adults and one child in the house. O, I can manage if given the opportunity.

My son is arguing because he's going to sleep in his swinging chair. He's exhausted. I dunno what the In-Laws took him to do this morning, but he was gone since this morning when I got him up to hand him over for church. He finally returned home so I could see his grinning face at 9:50 tonight. He's such a cute kid. I wish I could record it and post it online. He's so funny. It's like he's arguing with the sandman, "NO! I will not-ooo-is that sleep? Hello...My name is Lucian Amadeus...nice to meet you-once more" almost what it's like. He's also staring at his Halloween costume...a cow. He's gonna be a moo cow for Halloween. He's such a cutie. I love that kid with my heart.

*Sigh* Well, I suppose I should get off of here and sit down and eat my bowl of food. Although, I don't usually eat what I cook, I'm weird like that. But this time, I think I'm getting the hang of cooking for more than one person.

Until then, my loves,

Faith.

Oh what a night...

I'm exhausted!

Last night my husband & I went to his cousin's birthday party out in Buddah. Well, I guess I could call him my cousin now. Ha, oh well. But it was refreshing to get out there in the middle of no where right on Devil's Backbone. (Oh my, there's enough in that sentence to tell you that I'm living in a hick state). But it was an adventure, I'm telling you.

So, when we got there his Uncle Mike, Buzz, & Mike Jr. were moving logs to make a bonfire for when it got later after all the fun festivities, while Tina was watching Tater Bug. His Aunt Mary, Jessica, and Amy were all in town buying the things needed to make chili and roast hot dogs and make hot chocolate. So, I decided to hang out with Tina and help her watch Tater Bug. (Christina is Buzz's girlfriend and we call her Tina, Amy is Mike Jr.'s wife). Shane decided to hang out with his cousins and uncle and help them move the trees out of their woods. So, it wasn't long before I walked over and his Uncle Mike asked me if I wanted to ride the four wheeler, well, scratch that, first he asked me if I knew how to drive one. Then I told him I did, so he hopped off and let me on. I haven't ridden a four wheeler in FOREVER. But it was refreshing to just speed along. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Mary, Amy, and Jessica showed up about ten minutes after I began riding the four wheeler. So I decided to go in and help them make the chili or whatever else needed to be made (doing the woman's job...). After a while though, there started to be people show up, with their guns and the shooting began. Mike and his son, Mike Jr. are BIG outdoorsmen. They hunt every year and we get deer jerky for Thanksgiving and Christmastime around the family. (IT'S AWESOME STUFF!). After a while it looked like a firing squad cause there were just about seven or eight people lined up with shotguns waiting to shoot the skeet that was being thrown in the air.

After they all finished shooting, we all sat down and enjoyed some chili. Clayton, Suenishia and their kids, Rocky, Charity & Adriane, Lacie, RD & Shalee, showed up when we were getting ready to eat. After we finished eating Mike decided to let off some fireworks and Shane, Jess, & I decided to sit inside the trailer and watch them instead of freezing our butts off. We were saving the freezing for the hayride.

Ha. The hayride. THAT was the adventure. We all piled on the hay wagon, (some of the people *cough* Jimmy *cough* were drunk), and hooked it up to Mike Jr.'s truck. Charity, who's 9 months pregnant and due anytime now, and her son Adriane, Mary, William (some little kid), Heather & Amy were all sitting in the back of the truck while all the rest of us were sitting on the wagon. It was eventful in the fact that we were also spotlighting deer (no guns or bows in the vehicle of course, so it wasn't illegal) and that there was a foreign family who had never been on a hayride before. Leave it to the Staggs' family to show the foreigners, the Dali Lamma's nephew, of all foreigners, what American traditions can be like (in an awkward, somewhat unethical manner, of course). But we went down in the bottoms off of Pinhook road and we were down in a field there (I can't pin-point exact locations, it was dark, and I was a little lost in the area that I grew up in) which had many twists and turns and low branches.

When we were going into the field, Jessica grabbed my leg and held on tight, I mean GRABBED my leg. She was squeezing really hard and digging her nails into it. I was like "That's my leg! OUCH! JESSICA!" And everyone thought it was funny. Lacie is a huge hick but she wouldn't let you know it unless you were with us last night-haha. She yelled out "I found Dirt!" After we went into the field, and we all looked at her "Dirt?! Lacie, it's all around." (This is a true story, sadly). And she was like "Deer! I found Deer." (Say Deer like Der). We all just laughed at her-it was just funny.


Then, Buzz & Rocky decided to jump off and get some corn. So, Mike Jr. hit the gas and left them in the dust. We made them run up a hill to catch up with us. So, I just laughed at the two boys and told them "You gotta stay in shape if you're gonna defend our country." (Buzz is in the National Guard and he's suppose to leave to go to Iraq in January or February and Rocky is in the Army and is suppose to go in December). They looked at me with a death-stare and shook their heads but I don't care-I went to PT two years ago. My Sgt. made us run up and down 16th street (which is nothing but hills) and sprint it. So, I just couldn't help but laugh at those two.


But on the way back the front left tire of the wagon started to shred it's cap. And then there was a huge bubble in the right tire and we were all like "It's gonna pop!" So Mike opens the door and stands out of the truck and looks back at all of us, who had taken our feet up and were getting them out of the way. And the guy sitting on the right side was like "It's gonna blow! Any time now!" And so we had just turned around on S Kenray Lake Road (we went WAYYYY out there) and then, BOOM! It busted. So we had to drive all the way back from there with a blown tire on the right side and a shredding tire on the left. I moved in the back with my husband at the end 'cause we sounded like a train coming through and it was hurting my back to sit up there...

But that's my night in a nutshell.

It's always an adventure with my in-laws. ALWAYS.

Beetle-Headed Individuals, Classrooms, Changes, Bees, & Rants; OH MY!

*Sigh*

I hate the neighbor kid. He's sixteen and harries me to no end partially 'cause he's beetle-headed.

My husband has now been gone for 2 hours. We were going to watch the Adam Sandler movie "Reign Over Me".

Mamacita, you've probably seen it, was it good?

Ever since the time I met Mamacita, my fascination with Adam Sandler began. She had just about every poster of that man on the wall of our classroom. Those posters, Phantom of the Opera, Princess Bride, and she had a Harry Potter poster by the bulletin board which was next to the door that lead to the other English Teacher's room. I remember these things vividly because that was probably my favorite classroom. Actually, yes, that one and my Geography teacher's classroom were my favorites in Middle School.

My Geography teacher-*laugh* the walls were painted purple and yellow (the purple I didn't have a problem with). And she had posters of almost every location you could imagine. She's been so many places that it was just fascinating to hear her talk about it. She still hasn't made it to Australia though, and she wanted to go there really bad.

My friend and I told her that we'd go with her someday, all she had to do was ask us and we'd figure out how to get the money and go. Although, I think the place I'd LOVE to visit would be Santorini, Greece. Just Greece in general, all the islands. That place is beautiful. I don't care what anyone says. Just look at pictures of the place, they're beautiful-I digress.

It's cold suddenly. I love it when it gets cold. I can't wait for snow, because winter is my favorite season of them all. I would move to somewhere cold for the rest of my life if given the choice. Now I'm waiting on the leaves to all fall off so I can enjoy the weather without sniffling, sneezing, and getting sick cause my allergies.

Ever heard of Apiphobia? I have it. The fear of bees. Could be that I was stung all over when I was little and almost died (I've had several close calls, actually) that resulted in that. Ha ha. Death is a good friend of mine-figuratively speaking. When I was depressed I would put myself in situations that might result in imminent death. Of course, that faded away and apparently it just wasn't ever my time. Not that I'm sad about that-don't get me wrong, but I'm just stating that I never died. (DUH)

My friend (who's 16 going on 17) just had a baby. I thought that maybe she would stop complaining about being pregnant now-nope. She was complaining because she had so much water weight. I wish I would've had more water weight, my kid coulda moved around better & it wouldn't have hurt as much. She would complain about him hurting her-he was only 19.5 inches long and weighed 6 lbs 14 oz...and she gained about 35 pounds. Giving him more than enough space to move. Hell, I only gained 10 pounds, and 7 lbs. 9 oz of that was my son. He too was 19.5 inches long, but weighed more. So realistically I only had when you consider the placenta weighs a pound-that's 8.09 of my 10 pounds. And my breast gained milk, so let's say that takes me to nine pounds. I only had 2 lbs of water weigh. So, really, I had enough space to complain. Cause when he would move, I could feel his nails going into my organs through the placenta. IT SERIOUSLY HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She has no idea-at all-NONE. Plus, she was chubby to begin with-so really, she had NO ROOM at ALL to complain. Yes, it will take her longer to lose the weight, but at least she had a healthy kid and her doctor wasn't worried about the countless problems I could've developed...with me being hypoglycemic, I had too much protein in my urine (which is bad, I guess), Was dilated for a month and half at 2 cm...so when my water broke I was just 3 cm...I had a cold when I gave birth, so between pushing I wasn't breathing due to the fact that I couldn't breathe out of my nose. Yeah, I'd say she had it fairly easy because her epidural actually worked. Mine didn't until 3 minutes after he was born...*grumbles*

Done with that rant. Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.

Anyways, I'm going to go now, let you all have fun out here in internet-land.

I love you all,

God Bless,
Faith

Phantom, Les Miserables, & West Side Story

If anyone knows where Phantom, Les Mis, or West Side Story are playing soon and locally, (Indy, Bloomington) I'd love to get my hands on tickets and go with someone who wants to go see them too. It would be most excellent.

Trains

I was always told that my life would go in whatever direction I wanted it to and that I held the keys to my future. I always thought that this was a funny statement because I figured that there was no way I could ever be all the things I wanted to be or do all the things I wanted to do. I have a wandering mind and my spirit is one of those rare free ones. I hate being in one place for too long and it starts to take its toll on me.

When I was younger (around five or six) I use to be fascinated with trains, train tracks and the open road. *Sigh* I went everywhere with my god parents. We went places in the RV. I saw several states-but still not them all, and I hope one day to explore the west as I have the east coast. The only places left to visit in the east coast are Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Maine, & Massachusetts. I've been all over this side of the US. I'm ready for the other side, the country side, the side that's not all cities and roads, and slums. I'm ready for nature at it's finest.

There's a thought that continues to this day to run through my head. One of those thoughts that you wouldn't expect a mother or wife who is happy to be where she is to have. The one of "One of these days, I'm gonna jump on that train that runs through town and never look back" which is a ridiculous notion, because the train probably doesn't go very far away from town. It probably just stops outside of the county. Then again, what if it doesn't? I'll never find out. But the daydream keeps me wondering.

I don't know what brought this up in my mind or why I felt compelled to write about it-perhaps because it's something that plagues my mind more than naught.

I was watching "Girls Next Door" which is a show about Hugh Hefner's girlfriends and the life they all live in the Mansion and they went to a Renaissance Faire, I would LOVE to go to a Renaissance Faire dressed in Garb and speak Elizabethan just for a day. Or I would love to stay the night and enjoy the other festivities. That would be an excellent adventure to embark upon with someone who's genuinally interested in it. (I hope I phrased that right). We could drink ale and dress in garb, I think it'd be fun. And I learned a Shakespearean insult. "Sausage Wallet" which means "Whore" that's something good to know next time one of those girls gives me an evil stare...I'll just say that and she'll think I'm crazy, but I'll smile with glee because I am smarter than her. I of course learnt several other insults and words, but I digress. It's not important right now.

"Elizabeth: The Golden Age" is coming out soon, idk, it might be out already. I want to go see that so bad. I'm so intrested in the Elizabethan era, Medieval era, and the Renaissance. It's a beautiful time for music and art in the world. Chilvary was measured by swords and not long distance combat. But that's another story I don't want to get into at the moment. I love people who can move with swords, and have the correct usage of them. (Shane knows how to battle with swords, he's trained in the martial arts, which is why I find him so irresistable I believe...so chilvarious if these days were like that).

I love renaissance gowns too. I never got to wear one to Prom but it would have been fun.
Something like this would've sufficed.

Swimming in October and Horror flicks

I went swimming yesterday.

Before you say anything, it was hot yesterday and the cool waters of Lake Monroe were just too pristine to pass up, so I put on my turquoise bikini, drove out there with my husband, met our friends Chris and Sara there, and well all just jumped in after walking past the rope swing and around the corner where it comes to a point and the rocks meet the water in a perfect slope. It was heavenly. I find that I enjoy swimming in the fall more than I do in the summer. Perhaps it's because there aren't any horseflies to bite you.

The latest I ever went swimming in a year was November 11th, and that was in the sixth grade. It was snowing a little bit, meaning it had to have been around 30 degrees but my friend Nikki and I we jumped in and swam in the creek while trying to catch crawdads. We were wearing our jeans and sports bras. We took our sweatshirts off so we'd at least have one dry article of clothing when we got out. We caught about 20 crawdads and the water, although it was November and snowing, the water was warm, and flowing. It was amazing and I don't think I have ever had as much fun as I did that day.

I think if I could join a Polar Bear Club, I would. The only bad thing about swimming in the fall is the fact that when you get out, it's cold. Your fingernails have the purple around the cuticle and it's just freezing and you wanna change as soon as you can.

After we finished swimming we came back home, changed into dry clothes, out of our swimsuits, and went back up to Bloomington. We went to Chris and Sara's and then we all loaded in Sara's car and went in search of a scary, gory, halloweeny, old fashioned, or just vampire flick. We found a film originally filmed in Russian but it was dubbed in English that we ended up watching-it was a pretty sweet movie. Although, I can't remember what it was now.

Vampires are super sexy, by the way.

I'm playing the McDonald's game...haha, I know I'll never win, but it gives me hope, and I only need one piece to win either: 1.000.000, 50.000, 10.000, 5.000, 1.000, 500., 50... (I like using periods instead of commas).

I think if I don't win anything I'm going to send it to PostSecret and write on it "I play cause it gives me hope that maybe I could win." Not because I like McDonald's food, the only thing I like from there are the french fries. Okay, the chicken sandwiches too. I LOVE CHICKEN SANDWICHES! It's my addiction. But hey, at least it's a healthy addiction, right?

Anyways, I hope you all are doing well.

Love you all,

Me.


P.S. Bonnie, I'm going to write you a letter. I found an envelope today so I'd expect it this week sometime :)

P.S.S. Mamacita, I would love to come over sometime, so maybe on a Thursday when I'm in town doing something for Probation or Doctor's office or something I can stop by, and we could "hang out", just tell me if that would work. :D

Snail Mail and Promises

My husband was just on the phone and the internet. I miss talking on the phone. You have no idea. Before I was married my friends would all call just to chit-chat with me; now they e-mail, comment, or message me on myspace. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy hearing from my friends. But they feel so distant, because it's so impersonal (is that a word). I don't want to boo hoo to all of you, but I'm just so sad that my friends don't pick up the phone, or send me a snail-mail letter.

I use to love getting letters. You'd go to the mailbox open the front of it, and reach inside, and in a scribbly writing you'd see your name and your friend's name in the top corner. Then, you'd open it and the letter would be penned in their writing, and although you had a little trouble reading it, you still loved getting that letter, and you put it somewhere special so you could pull it out when everything became digital.

I hope I'm worth the cost of a stamp. Don't type your letters, that makes it distant. Call me. The sound of your voice on the phone lets me know that I'm not alone.

I sat in the doctor's office for six hours today. Of course, it wasn't anyone's fault that the baby born up at the hospital with the same doctor I was there to see was taken into surgery because of post-partum problems. I blame no one. And I'm praying for the baby, whatever it was, and whoever it's parents are-because no child should have to go into surgery just mere minutes after being born. I don't know how it is, but I hope the problems weren't TOO serious.

My husband just brought down the hammock swing-again. This wouldn't be a bad deal, except for every single time it's happened, it scares me. Our hammock swings are hung from the rafters and obviously, no matter how much it is reinforced, it never holds. We have a concrete porch. And I know he's going to fall down and then not get up one day cause he'll crack his head. And that scares me more than anything because I love him so much.

I feel like I can say anything here because my friends don't know about this site and the friends I make here, well, you guys are awesome. And you read my ramblings without even thinking of doing something else other than just reading and seeing things from my eyes, mind, and point of view.

It's liberating.

But, in case my friends are on here, call me. Or send me a letter, I'll write one back. I PROMISE. And you can ALWAYS hold me to my promises.

My South Park Character.

Ha, this is what I would look like as a South Park Character.

It's amazing.

Her name shall be Sharla Mane

Write.

I've reallly taken to blogging as of late. To be honest, it's given me a reason to use my brain. In fact, even after writing on here, I take out my black journal and write in it. Which means that I'm writing twice as much. I use to just write in my journal when there was something bothering me, but now I'm recording everything that happens to me. But I'm enjoying it all very much. I've actually never felt more liberated in all my life. I'm finding my voice, my heart, and my opinions. Actually, recording everything and looking back on my life thus far has made me realize that I have lived a life that's pretty amazing.

I think it's the simple things that are taken for granted. Most people just toss the little things, like the smell of the air before it rains, to the side. They ask why that musky dirt, grassy smell is important. I'll tell you why, because one day you won't smell that smell anymore. You'll be laying in the dirt. There's a lot of things that I've come to pay attention to. Like the sounds outside of the window at night, the sound of my son breathing at night, certain comforting things that I've began to take notice to.

I love the Goo Goo Dolls. Especially their newest song-"Before It's Too Late". That song is amazing. There's a few lines that I've fallen for. Like the first two lines, I wandered through fiction to look for the truth, buried beneath all the lies those lines are amazing. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks so, but they're so vivid. Then there are the lines Don't fall, just be who you are, that's all that we need in our lives. What amazing advice! JUST BE WHO YOU ARE!!!! I love that. Is it just me, or do songs written for movies seem to be the most beautiful songs you've ever heard. Take "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. City Of Angels was a beautiful movie with a beautiful soundtrack, I loved the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan. I love the Snow Patrol song "Signal Fire" from the Spiderman 3 soundtrack. But you see what I mean?

I was trying to write my "about me" section on myspace today, and what I came up with was amazing! I didn't think I was capable of writing such an about me, but I did, and I'm going to share it with you! So, smile, cause you get to read it.

Okay, here it goes:

I don't quite know where to begin, that's a problem of mine, you know. Not knowing where to begin. Kind of like I don't know where to end these things either. But I'll try my best to introduce myself in an amazing way. I'm generally a happy person. I enjoy hanging out with my friends, like any other 19 year old. I love my husband, as a wife should. I adore my child, he's my life. I love writing because it washes away the dust and dirt from my brain. I enjoy watching movies because the soundtracks. I love listening to classical music because it's soothing. I'm a high school graduate, and that's something I'm proud of. I dream big dreams and know that eventually one day, I will make them all come true. I believe your destiny is something you create. Our pasts are what teach us to be better individuals. We are the sum of our errors. Life is beautiful if you take the time to live it. Don't forget to say I love you to those that you love. Don't forget to apologize to your friends. Never take anyone for granted because at any moment they can disappear forever. Don't forget to slow down in the rush that is life and smell the roses, because it's a sweet smell you might not get the chance to breathe in. Winning isn't everything, it's that you participated. Live your life loud and proud, don't be ashamed of who you really are. Never take the simple things for granted, because they are the most precious. Ask questions, it's the only way you learn anything. Don't be a fair-weather friend, they're annoying; But most of all, and I mean this seriously, make friends that will be there for you through the tough times and the good times and be that friend for them.


And that was it.

Anyways, I do hope you all are having a good day...don't forget to write for yourself, it'll feel so liberating.

Franchesca.

I just finished watching Marie Antoinette. That movie is excellent. I loved watching it. So, now I am sitting at the computer, with the channel on the Light Classical station. As I do every day, My son is watching the words pop up across the screen and he is squealing in delight. He enjoys looking at whatever mommy is typing.

Classical Music, it seems to soothe me no matter what mood I am in. If I'm overjoyed, Classical Music is the food that fuels it even more. If I'm sad, it makes me smile and brings me hope. If I'm angry, it doesn't take long for the sounds of either Mozart, Vivaldi, Bach, or Tchaikovsky to make me smile. If I had the choice, I'd probably marry my music. Although, it wouldn't keep me warm at night and I wouldn't have my beautiful baby boy.

I had a teacher who gave me the choice between Violin and Cello when we first began playing in Orchestra. Of course, I had been onto my estranged parents for three years (since the third grade) to let me play in Orchestra, but they didn't take me seriously when I told them I wanted to play the viola. In fact, I believe my parents had the nerve to ask me, "What the hell is a viola?" I of course, being a third grader at the time, rolled my eyes. I then managed to inform them that it was a stringed instrument that wasn't half as annoying as the violin. They didn't understand until I actually reached the play age that it was a beautiful instrument and I believe that they cursed themselves everyday after they heard me play that instrument out of frustration that they didn't let me play sooner.

But the thing about it was, the instrument called to me. It sings to me when I'm not playing it, as if it's a siren and I am the sailor and it's trying to lure me into it's clutches. *Sigh* I love playing her, I named her Franchesca.

I don't know what inspired that, but I just felt like sharing my viola's name with everyone.

Looking at the stars, with a smile on my face but tripping over my feet.

I've only been up sixteen minutes, and already I'm knocking things over.

I am not the most graceful of beings. In fact, the only time I was EVER graceful was when I was performing in Color Guard. Believe it or not, I was in contact with something inside myself when I was performing. The girly-girl seemed to surface when I put on the make-up, bodysuits, and finally my uniform then I grabbed my TWO flags, and rifle. Because, when you're on rifle line, you only usually use two to three flags, whereas flag line uses three to four. I was such a performer. It was like I was born to do it and I would always do it with my head held high 'cause I was proud of it.

I'll never forget the last competition that I ever took part in. It was also my "older sister's" last performance as well. It was what we thought was the best one of our lives. We all came off the field crying, and hugging each other, and I'll never forget the last note that was played, because as the band hit their last note, we hit our last pose and it stopped, suddenly. (I'm getting the chills I use to get on the field as I remember this). The five seconds later, one of our Band Directors yelled "THAT WAS THE ONE!" And we all just smiled, and had tears running down our faces, smearing our mascara.

There's this feeling that you'll hear members of the Marching Band talk about. They'll all tell you the same thing, "There's this feeling you get before you walk on the field, it's like you gotta pee, but when you get out there and take your opening set position, it goes away and everything fades. It's just you, the Drum Majors, the Music, and the Guard, the audience doesn't matter. And when you're performing, you forget to breathe. Everything is so perfect for seven to eight minutes. But when the last note is played there's this feeling that rushes over you like the waves in the ocean take away the sand from the beach and replace it, that's what it's like in your soul, you shake and finally exhale. Then you walk off, and it's just-you can't explain it, you'll see." And it's the truth. You have to experience it to feel it. It's a natural high.

But that last performance, before we made the long walk down the side of the school in Centerville, OH., we were warming up, it was a speedy warm-up cause the band before us took FOREVER getting off of the site. When we finally did, the flags did some drop spins, tosses, and the rifles didn't warm up on flag at all, we all took our weapons and walked away from them, doing some exercises, rights, lefts, flat taps, and tosses. I tossed a strap-toss so hard that my strap broke and I had to find tape. Of course, the only people that carry tape are those that are in Drumline. So, I had to find a director with tape. I still have my black taped rifle strap. I kept it as a souvenir.

I'm not graceful anymore.